Predator

Another shitty morning.

So, not only did you cheat, you've been in the habit of breaking our rules. Rules you set. Rules you agreed to. And just hoping I wouldn't find out. 

Most recently, the rule you broke wasn't one I asked for for myself. I asked you to always check that you're not damaging or re-traumatizing already traumatized young women. This is not for me, but for them and for you. You failed miserably. 

I read a journal entry on Fetlife by _Raine_ about predators. Let's see how many of these traits and behaviors you have, shall we?

• Manipulative
• well, you cheated and lied, lied about how often you use terms like Master, slave, and make people call you Sir, and continue to try to meet women even when we're trying to deal with this shit
• Going for young, inexperienced, and vulnerable
• she was 18, lonely, and had clearly low self-esteem. You, a 31 year old stranger, chose to tell her she deserved to be raped and abused by her ex boyfriend. You let your insecurities and bullshit be more important than the health and well-being of a teenager. That's predatory if I ever heard it. 
• Refusing to respect boundaries
• You clearly hold our rules and guidelines with little to no regard
• Attempting to isolate
• not too bad about this one
• Sudden fits of agression and rage
• mostly me these days, but I think I'm allowed, considering
• Refusing to take responsibility
• every time I ask why, it's never your fault. You're scared because this happened, you're sad because of that person. Bullshit. Own your own shit. It's not my problem, your ex-wife's problem, and it certainly isn't some poor teenager's problem. 
• Victim blaming
• You told me that teenager wanted it. Nope. Nope. Nope. (lied about that too, didn't you? Said you were cautious about the religion humiliation, didn't bother telling me you told her she was worthless)
• Lack of empathy
• You cry when you start thinking of yourself. You hate seeing me in pain. YOU hate it. Fucker. 

So, you're well on your way to being a predator. I can forgive cheating, but this?

You have a daughter. 1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted just like that poor teenager. When it's her turn, or one of her friends, what happens then? Whose side do you take? You've taken the side of the man who abused me. You've said some people deserve that. He said the same. 

You are not healthy. You are a sex addict who views people as commodities for his own pleasure. You don't seem to mind breaking them down to self-harming people who can't get out of bed in the morning. You're hurting, and it's your problem. I can't believe how much I love you. And I have no idea how to proceed.