I am not a Domme

Good morning, Sir.

I learned a hard lesson today. I am not a Domme. At least not right now. I'm still a switch. I'm still interested in topping. But I don't know how to be a Domme, and I'm not sure I want to.

I had a sub, Sir. She made me want to be a Domme, for a little while. She sparked that in me. But today, she also helped me realize that isn't who I am. At least not yet. I don't know how to build trust. I don't know how to lead, to accept control. I'm not a Domme.

I hope she and I can stay friends. I still hope to top her one day. But I don't have Domme in me right now. It hurts, but I'm working through it.

I love you, Sir. I love being your slave. I love learning about your twisted fantasies. I love accepting them, exploring them, seeing if they latch on and grow in me. I'm learning to let go, and not want to be your everything. Or at least not expect to be.

I hold myself to much too high of a standard. I no longer fear mistakes, but failure still hurts. I know I'm not perfect at everything. But dammit, I want to be able to do all of it imperfectly! My silly brain doesn't like to admit when it finds a limit. It would much rather run full speed ahead off the cliff than just admit I can't fly and keep my feet on the ground. But limits are as natural as gravity. And I have them, Sir.

I love you, Sir. Thank you for seeing my limits often more clearly than I do.