Master

Good morning, Sir.

I love you. This has been brewing in my head for a couple days, but I couldn't quite make sense of it till this morning.

I'd like to talk again about my expectations for you, Sir. I know the last time we spoke this was all very new, so it was hard to say what to expect. You were so kind and loving when you explained I could expect you to be communicative and listen to my concerns. That is the best answer any new slave could hope for. 

When you talked about me giving you a rim job, my initial reaction was negative, Sir. I couldn't quite figure out why. I have nothing against it, though I've never done it. But it would be submissive, and you'd like it, and I want to try new things. I've even considered doing it before, while licking your balls. Yet my gut reaction was "No!" And that actually helped me realize something very important.

I have been working hard to serve you, Sir. I love taking care of you. I love that you feel you can count on me to cook, clean, and love on you when you need it, how you need it, sometimes without you even having to ask.

I have goals in this relationship. I wanted to be your slave to learn and grow. I want to try things, to be pushed and tested. I want to feel my own limits and my strengths. We've talked about increasing my pain tolerance. But it's inconsistent. I've found myself caning my own thighs, practicing with nipple clamps, anally training myself, trying to hold my own orgasms while masturbating. I feel like I can't count on you to train me in the way that I need. I know you're very busy. I know you want a slave who can be proactive and not too needy. But I'm new.

My reaction to you asking me to lick your ass had nothing to do with the action. I simply didn't want to be asked for something else for you, when my own needs are being so inconsistently met.

I had trouble with calling you Master before for many reasons. Now it's just the one. I don't feel Mastered. I don't feel owned or trained. And that's ok. Maybe that's what you need right now. Maybe this is all you've got to give, and I understand that. You've got alot going on. But we need to figure out what reasonable expectations are. Otherwise I'm worried I'm just going to get resentful and burn out.

I love you so very much, Sir. I don't want to criticize or judge you. But we started this experiment to see if we wanted to be Master and slave. And maybe that Durant work for you right now. Or maybe I'm not someone you feel like you want to Master. I just need to know we're on the same page, Sir.