Fucking Emotions

Good morning, love.

After taking some time, the real cause of my emotional reaction has become more and more clear. I've talked to you about some of this already. But essentially it's not that I feel I'm owed something. It's just that I've put so much of myself into this relationship, and I'm scared that when you leave, I'm going to lose it.

I love you so much. There are going to be other girls (and guys) who want to serve you, who share your fantasies, who arouse your mind and body. But I can't imagine serving anyone else. I know it might seem like I'm the one with all the partners, the freedom to explore. But really, you're irreplaceable to me. That's not to say that I'm not irreplaceable to you. It's just that your sex with other people might look alot like your sex with me. And that's scary sometimes. Even though I know the sex isn't the same as the relationship.

You are my Dom, my Sir, my Master. You always have been. I can't imagine a time when you won't be. We may not engage in a power exchange, but the power is still there. You have it. It's absolutely terrifying, but you do.

I love watching you get stronger as yourself. Telling people who you are instead of letting them tell you who you should be. It struck me the other day that one of the most repeated conversations we had while I was your slave was around what I could expect from you. You couldn't tell me. You didn't know. That's becoming less and less true, and it's so beautiful.

I love you. I'm scared of all the things that means, all the ways it could impact my life, but I love you anyway. And I'm not going to stop.