All My Love

Good morning!

I really miss you. I have all these things I want to do with you, all these things I want to talk to you about. But it's hard. Sometimes I feel so separate from your life. I was laying here thinking about what I wished we could've done on the last trip, realizing that we might not always get to do everything we want together. That's part of being long distance. And it sucks.

I'm struggling with myself still. I'm not very good at talking about how I feel. I think I tend to go on and on about other people's relationships because it feels safer to let out my thoughts when I'm not talking about myself. That's not to say all of it applies to me. But I do the same kind of thinking about myself. And I don't always know how to share it.

I think one of the reasons I'm so interested in pain play these days is I'm really struggling to communicate during sex. I don't have the same kind of hang ups with pain that I do with sex, but it still requires active consent and good communication. I want to feel that intimacy without the baggage I'm working through around sex.

I was reading an entry on FL yesterday about referring to a partner as "mine" in the context of a poly relationship. It got me thinking about how we say that we give each other all our love. And for my part, I do. You have 100% of my love. And it doesn't depreciate it at all. Even if I love others, you still have all of my love.

I really love you!