Expectations

Good morning Sir.

Last night and this morning I've been toying with a couple weird fantasies. In each one, there is a running theme of me feeling angry or hurt by you, and figuring out how to deal with it. I've noticed I sometimes do this when I'm feeling something, and don't know what to attribute my reaction to. I create a story to justify my feelings.

I've been feeling a little frustrated, Sir. I've realized this morning that has alot to do with the fact that I don't quite know what to expect from you, Sir. We've spoken quite a bit about expectations from me, though to be fair, not too much has changed in the day to day. But we really haven't discussed what I can expect from you. I know we're still figuring this all out, and I'm not trying to place blame. To be honest, I've been so preoccupied with my own things, I haven't bothered to ask. But it's something worth thinking about, Sir. For example, yesterday morning in the shower, I was worrying about the position you taught me. Suddenly here's this new thing you've presented me with (pun intended) and I don't know what purpose it has, or when you might use it. I know I should trust you, and I do. But I also know I can take a while to process my reaction to things. I worry that something that may not seem particularly significant to you, will actually affect me a great deal and I want to make sure I have the time to react before being given a new task or expectation.

I love you, Sir. I know you want what's best for me, but this is still so new.