On Limits

Good morning, Sir.

Today I wanted to write about what's been on my mind. It's about natural limits. I've been learning to pay attention to my emotional limits and boundaries, and exploring my physical ones.

Last night I refused to have sex with Sir. I was exhausted. I've been sleeping less than I'm used to, since I've been waking up to serve him breakfast. Not much less, just an hour or two. But it caught up with me. I'm having a million clashing reactions. I'm feeling guilty, justified, sad, curious, and yes, still tired. This morning, my sleepy thoughts went as follows- I should have just had sex with him.

I'm glad we've found a place to start learning. I'm figuring out how to accept this as a normal reaction and deciding what the options are for dealing with it. At the end of the day, I'm just one person. I have work and personal relationships, and there are many people who want things from me throughout the day. Physically, this is tiring.

Something interesting happened yesterday. I'm waiting to see if it becomes a regular occurrence. One fear of mine was that increased expectations of service in this relationship would result in less energy left for other people. But yesterday, though I was physically tired, I found myself feeling emotionally energized and connected with others. I wonder if it's connected with serving and learning to put another's needs before my own. I'm curious to see if it continues.