I Am Exhausted

Good evening, Sir.

I am exhausted. Yesterday, and the weeks leading up to it, have been so draining. I have so little left. But I am yours.

The echoes of worthlessness, selfishness, stupidity resound in my whole self. I do not feel that way, but I remember the feeling so vividly, I react as though it was real. It was real. My reality was so dark, so very small, for so long. I continued to function, going about my day, fulfilling my responsibilities, giving until there was nothing left. I was lost, barely existing.

I know I have changed, though I don't really know how. If you asked me, I couldn't tell you who I was then. I was incomplete, fractured beyond recognition. I only know I have changed because where there was nothing, there is now something. I barely know myself, but I know I'm there to be known.

Today I feel empty. Emotions, actions, thoughts, flitting through me, rather than coming from me, like a breeze through an open window. I am comfortable with the hollowness. The echoes have quieted and I'm at peace. But sometimes the tears come up unexpected. I don't feel like I'm crying. The heat in my face and tension in my throat register before I even notice the tears. The thought, the memory that prompted them has already floated on, and I have no explanation for my emotion.

I am broken, empty, but I am yours, Sir. Your acceptance of my fractured self has helped me heal like nothing else I've ever experienced.

I love you, Sir.

S & M

Good afternoon, Sir.

I was bored recently and decided to browse around fetlife (sapiosexy17). I was looking through some pics today and realized I was getting very turned on by pictures of a very bruised body. I continued to look through things and am realizing I may actually be more of a masochist than I realized. It's funny, cuz I'm actually kinda wimpy. I don't have a high tolerance for passion and discomfort, and I'm queasy with blood. But I think I want to explore that side some more.

I've really enjoyed being soaked to the point of tears. I don't bruise much, but I do love the release of emotion. I also love clothespins whenever you use them on me. I don't usually use the toys on my own, but I must admit to snagging some clothespins once or twice when you're working nights. Last night I put them in a row across my breasts, down my upper, inner arms, and one on my tongue. Putting them on my labia gets me instantly wet. I kept reading all these creative torture methods and maybe it was the fact that I hadn't had sex in so long (48 hours, hehe) but I got so turned on! So maybe we can try some stuff, if you want.

I love you, Sir.