Bruising

Good morning, Sir.

Last night you spanked me till I cried again. I actually don't mind crying. It's very relaxing afterwards. I've been having a busy week, and I was grateful for the release. Apparently I don't bruise well though, Sir. I have a few purpley spots, but mostly it itches. The skin is still pink, and sitting for any length of time is uncomfortable.

The only time I really missed it was when I we're to walk the dog and there was another ticket on my car. I forgot to renew my registration last week, and I got tickets two days in a row. I was able to take care of it today, Sir. I'm not worried about it. But I found when I was stressed and frustrated by my situation, the sensations I felt sitting were enough to make me wish I hadn't let you continue, Sir. Once the other emotions faded, that went away. I'm actually enjoying seeing the marks you left. Honestly, I think if it were pain I wouldn't have minded so much. But I find myself easily overwhelmed by assurance, like tickling or itching feelings, more so than by pain.

One final thought is I wonder how D will react this evening if he sees the marks. I've never talked to him about tycoons aspect of our relationship, Sir. I'm not afraid or ashamed to. But I'm guessing that may come up, Sir. In considering everything, I feel no need to hide this aspect of my life from anyone I'm sleeping with, or my doctors, Sir. I feel it's important for these groups of people to know the truth, and don't feel the need to participate in any stigma by hiding it.

Spanking

Good morning, Sir.

Last night, I cried for the first time during a spanking. I was embarrassed at the time, but overall I'm satisfied. I had been wondering what it would take to bring me to that point. Of course, Sir was wonderful and cuddled me immediately. I would almost have preferred he keep going than having to show him my tears. But that's just my own pride.

Sir and I also talked about my refusal of sex the previous night. He is so good to me. He wants to ensure he's not asking too much, since we're experimenting and not wanting to affect too much of the other aspects of our lives. Sir said maybe some day we will create a rule around it, but there really wasn't one at the time.

Then this morning, it struck me. To make a rule around not being able to refuse sex would be consensual non-consent. I'm ok with that, but it would require a pretty important conversation. The part of me that still felt vaguely guilty about the night before was the part that simply assumed I was supposed to just have sex whenever he wanted it, regardless of what I wanted. That may eventually be a part of our relationship. But it isn't right now, and hasn't been for us before.

I feel like I'm learning so much.