Humiliation and Punishment

Good morning, Sir.

Sometimes my emotions!

Ok, to start, I have almost no reaction to you having her go pantiless or with a buttplug. I've done both for you, and on my own.

The sandpaper thing- that hurts, and not in the way you'd think. You've brought it up a few times, and as a result, I've been working up to it. I knew it was a fantasy of yours, one I didn't think you'd done before. I really wanted to be the one you did that with. Depending on the activity, most to all of my motivation comes from how turned on it gets you. When you make your list, keep in mind that the things you really want to do, even if they terrify me, I really want to do. It's not about the action, Sir. even if I hate it, the satisfaction of knowing I fulfilled your fantasy will make it impossible to be a true punishment. If we had made the list, this one would have been one I'd have asked for, for exactly that reason.

And please, please, tell me if you're making a profile for someone else. I would never tell you not to. But you being the only one who has access to my profile is almost sacred to me. Words like Master and slave and Sir came with such great difficulty for me, it's hard to see them thrown around about someone else without warning.

Here's my starter list:

Punishments

• sandpaper (even more so now. to have to follow after some slut you barely know and aren't even that interested in would make this emotionally painful and humiliating for me.)
• crawling with my legs tied or taped
• kneeling on rice
• anything that punctures the skin (blood is a tough one for me, but that almost makes this more fascinating to me. simply because it's so difficult)
• tacks 
• knives
• needles
• being peed on
• being used as furniture for longer than a few minutes
• repeatedly being slapped in the face
• making me beg for things I don't want
• keeping me in suspense about what you're going to do, right up until you do it, or even while you're doing it using sensory deprivation. my mind is a terrifying place (this could potentially be punishment, depending on what you're actually doing)

Funishments

• Spanking
• predicament bondage
• being left alone while immobilized and/or blindfolded
• figging
• ice
• nipple play
• tickling
• going pantiless
• wearing butt plugs
• masturbating in a private area of a public place
• wearing a discreet vibrator in public
• choking, breath play
• electric play
• hair pulling
• making me sit in a corner (could be punishment if combined with other things, like how I'm sitting, etc)

Rewards

• making out (by itself. during painful play it's just distracting)
• massages
• touching and cuddling
• ice cream
• being told I'm a good girl
• receiving oral sex
• wax play
• making you laugh

It's a start, at least. 

I'm an idiot sometimes. I set down lines I don't really want. I try to maintain a little control, even when I know I don't need to. I love you, Sir, and I'm sorry to drag you into my crazy once again. I hope this journal helps make sense of the things that my overwhelming emotions can make so fucking blurry. 

I love you, Sir.