Fantasy

Good evening, Sir.

Apparently this time away from you had given me lots of time to think. I realized something today, Sir. One of the biggest struggles with jealousy for new is the feeling that I'm no longer a part of your fantasy. When we first started together, it was electric. We couldn't stop thinking about each other. I understand that's not always sustainable, and that you've had alot to deal with. I've tried not to ask for too much, because I know you've only got so much to give. But the truth is, I want to try new things with you and have you push me not only so I can learn and grow, but because I want you too fantasize about using me like you used to. Maybe that's not possible. Or maybe you still do, and I just keep coming on in the last 15 minutes. But I miss it.

And it's so hard for me to know you're fantasizing about someone else the way you did about me. I'm not asking to be every fantasy. I'm just missing the spark, the thrill of trying something new, the excitement. When I first started submitting to you, it was like you were in awe of it. You couldn't get enough. It was intoxicating to be the object of your desire like that. I get that that can't last forever, or happen every day. But I'm hoping we can capture it again once in a while.

This post may not make huge amounts of sense. It might seem like I'm asking for alot. I don't mean to. I'm writing before I've completely finished processing this. I'm not asking for huge changes, or even really any changes. I'm just saying you're wonderful, Sir. You have an energy that inspires amazingly dirty things in my mind. I haven't masturbated without thinking of you at least once basically since we've met. And I hope I'm not boring you. I know that's just my insecurity. But it's still me. I love you, Sir.

Update: had the possibly quite obvious realization today that some of this is likely due to me. A relationship takes two people. If I don't like what's happening, I should be looking at what I can do. I love you, Sir.